Dealing with grief, as exhausting as it is, is something that everybody undergoes. Nobody wants to lose someone dear, but it’s part of the cycle of life, and grief is the body and mind’s natural response. If you’ve recently lost someone, make your way through these tips for dealing with the first three stages of grief. We’ll explain these initial stages, and then delve into some tips for dealing with each stage. Once you’ve made your way through these three, then you can focus on the last two—depression and acceptance. For now, it’s important to not rush through the first three in order to heal properly.
Denial
The first stage of grief, denial, is when you try convincing yourself or others that the loss didn’t happen or isn’t permanent. Of course, you know the facts, but your mind isn’t quite processing what’s happening. Denial often showcases itself in sentences like “I keep thinking he’s still alive,” or “This can’t be true.”
Dealing with Denial:
- Understand that it’s normal to not fully understand that a loved one is gone.
- Be honest with yourself and others—if you need to cry, cry. Don’t overload yourself with distraction.
- Recognize there is no specific time frame for denial to go away, but the more you accept the reality and work on processing that, the better.
Anger
The second stage, anger, involves searching for blame. As denial fades, the actual pain of the loss sinks in. Many people are not ready to deal with reality, and anger tends to be the way to express these complex emotions. You may be angry with your loved one for not taking better care of herself. You may be angry with yourself, full of guilt.
Dealing with Anger:
- Anger affects people in different ways, but when you start feeling enraged, it’s important to try to turn that anger into positive energy. This will help you recognize that anger isn’t all you’ll feel.
- Join a support group, talk to a certified therapist, or consult a spiritual counselor.
- Most importantly, honor your anger and allow yourself to be angry—it’s an important step in the healing process.
Bargaining
When you face a painful loss, you may find yourself trying to make a deal to postpone the inevitable. For example, if your partner has cancer, you may try to bargain with God, promising to be a better person if your partner is healed. Bargaining is often accompanied by guilt.
Dealing with Bargaining:
- Bargaining is normal and provides a temporary escape from pain, giving you time to adjust.
- Talk to people about your bargaining hopes—they can provide you with perspective.
Remember that everybody processes grief in their own time. Our explanations of what may occur can shift depending on the loss and the person. You won’t be stuck in these stages forever. When you follow the tips from above and talk to someone, things will get easier. You are capable of moving forward.
