Are you think about getting a new cat after losing one? It can sometimes feel wrong after losing another, but is it possible to work through the grief and learn to love another cat?
Getting a new cat can sometimes feel wrong after losing another. Is it possible to work through the grief and learn to love again?
As cat owners, words cannot describe how distressing it is when a beloved cat passes away. Although grief is a completely natural reaction to loss, sometimes the pain can make us fearful of ever loving a cat again. The heartache can seem so overwhelming and the devotion to our cat’s memory so strong, that people are sometimes faced with feelings of fear or disloyalty if they consider getting a new cat.
In order to understand where these conflicting feelings may be coming from, it is important to accept how intense grief can be. When a cat passes away, owners can go through the same grieving process as they would for any other family member. Only pet-related grief is still not widely recognized in society, and we are often expected to ‘just get on with it’.
Sadder still, owners are sometimes faced with having to make a decision about when it is best to let their cats go, and that in itself can feel an unfair responsibility. Similarly, death can occur suddenly as a result of tragic circumstances. Is it therefore any wonder that we may have trouble processing our bereavement?
Don’t feel guilty if you do get another cat
Daniel Ransom, from London, recalls this dilemma when he and his girlfriend suddenly lost their eight-year-old cat, Ragamuffin, to cancer.
“Ragamuffin’s death shocked us and we were left completely heartbroken,” Daniel explains. “Our home felt empty without a cat, but, whenever we considered getting a new cat, we felt as if we were replacing her.
“We eventually went to our local rehoming shelter and asked to see the cat who had been there the longest. By bringing home a really deserving cat, we somehow felt that we could justify the decision. We came home with Toby, a black and white moggy, who had been waiting for a home for over a year.”
Of course, this suggests that it is not just us who may miss out on cat ownership as a consequence of grief, but also cats themselves. Celia Hammond, founder of the Celia Hammond Animal Trust which rescues and rehomes thousands of cats every year, believes that pet bereavement can negatively affect the rate of rehoming.
“We experience grief-associated guilt from prospective owners all the time. Someone may come in with good intentions of homing a cat, but it can quickly become too much and they’ll end up in tears over how they can’t take another one,” explains Celia. “We could fill our shelters six times over with rescued cats. We’re so overcrowded; we simply cannot keep up with the slow rate of rehoming.”
Perhaps our focus, therefore, should be on using our ingrained love for cats for further good, and view owning a new cat as an opportunity to provide a loving home. Celia agrees, and explains how guilt, although natural, is not necessary: “Never feel guilty. I always say that owning again is the biggest compliment that you could ever pay your cat.”
