Significant life changes, such as changing schools, relocating, or divorce, are tough on kids. Due to improper guidance through such troubling times, some children are never able to fully recover from the adversity of a major change. This needn’t be the case. Here’s how to help your child cope with big life changes to ensure they can navigate these challenges and come out stronger.
Listen First
Among the precepts of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People is to “seek first to understand, then to be understood.” This principle of listening before speaking will take you far in the business world, and it’s just as useful in parenting when your child is facing a stressful change in their surroundings. Don’t sell kids short when it comes to articulating their concerns regarding disruptions to their environment or routine. While they may not have the authority to dictate the terms of the situation, you can empower them by simply hearing what they have to say and making them feel heard.
Allow Ample Time To Prepare
We realize this isn’t an option in every instance of a major life stressor—there’s no amount of preparation you can give a child for an unexpected death in the family. However, in situations such as a divorce or relocation, you can reduce the stress in the household by giving kids enough time to prepare themselves for forthcoming changes.
Maintain Consistency Where You Can
A fresh start in life can be invigorating, but for kids who rely on familiar surroundings and routines, it may only bring discontent. When there are jarring inconsistencies in your child’s life, concentrate on what you can keep consistent. Try to maintain your child’s involvement in the same extracurricular activities after a big move or following a separation.
Don’t Give Them More Than They Can Handle
To be sure, part of getting older entails taking on more and more responsibilities. However, in the wake of a major life change, some additional responsibilities may be ill-advised. If you’re going through a difficult divorce, protect your children from the messy details of the proceedings rather than asking them to serve as intermediaries between you and your ex-spouse or sending them to report back on the conditions of their other parent’s new residence. These demands aren’t reasonable and put kids in a bad spot when they’re at their most vulnerable.
Give Kids Some Sense of Control
Moving to a new house, starting school, changing schools, and going through a divorce are all challenging for kids because of the change they represent and the sense of powerlessness they impart. To help your child cope with big life changes, allow them some say in smaller life changes. For instance, let them choose some of the activities they partake in, the meals they eat, and the overall direction in which their life is headed, so long as it is safe to do so.
