• Pull out that phone list (or scroll through it, lol) and make an extra call each day. That one person you think might be bothered by a call may in fact be lonely or struggling. Hearing these simple words—I was just thinking about you—has saved me a few times when no-one really knew how bad things were.
• Increase your attendance at meetings, you’ll cross paths with someone you haven’t seen all year long or you’ll hear something that will improve your life. That’s a promise. Plus there’s a bonus – think of every meeting as putting a coin in the piggy bank – you’ll need those coins down the road because at some point an event in your life (like caring for someone) will prevent you from getting to meetings.
• Go earlier and stay later, try it, just for the month. I have found people struggling that needed to discuss their problems, this is especially true around the Holidays. Just having one person show they care, even a stranger, can be enough to help them someone through the day.
• I always make it a point to greet every single person right at the door on the way in and thank them for coming (at the door) on the way out. It forces me to put on a smile no matter how I feel inside and it always makes ME feel better. Paying attention during the meeting helps here-you might notice something someone said or even their body language during the meeting. You can then open a dialogue with them on the way out by asking for their opinion about something that was said.
• Make a gratitude list. Sit down with pen and paper (or a tablet). Set a goal of how ever many items for your list (I like the number 12) and dive in until you have them – list what you are grateful for- people, places and things. Then take a moment to read it and reflect on each one. A new friend. Your sister back in your life. Warm sun on your face in December.
• Decide what social/family events to attend ahead of time. There is no such thing as a party or a family gathering that you can’t miss and NO party is as important as saving my life! We skip ANY occasion that might put us at risk. It’s that simple. I skipped many of them before recovery. My sister used to give me these sideways looks that made me skip Turkey Day just to avoid her. I’m good at making excuses back then and I still put that skill to good use when I need to protect myself.
• If you DO go to a party or family event take someone else in recovery with you. Think out an exit strategy in case you get uncomfortable. Park your vehicle where you won’t be blocked in. Set a time limit on how long you will stay. Have a pre-arranged reason for leaving or have someone call you at a pre-arranged time to get you out.
• Be prepared and know how to say “no” in a way that is comfortable for you. Think how to answer difficult questions ahead of time. No-one can control what another might say or ask. We simply say “no, thank you” to someone that offers us something instead of saying “I don’t do that”. This avoids follow-up questions like “why not” or an involved conversation about your recovery that may leave you uncomfortable.
• HALT. Don’t get too Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired. An afternoon spent struggling with cravings can be explained with these four words. We check in on our physical and emotional condition throughout the day. Hungry? Eat regular meals at regular mealtimes. Angry? Vent to someone. Lonely? Get out to a meeting, call someone and do something together. Tired? Get some rest or take a nap.
by David M.
